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have u ever dreamt of sth rilly bad...
and it became a reality?...
i once dreamt tat all my frens & family would leave me one day...
for no apparent reason, they just kinda dump me...

this dream seems to be comin true...
i can see tat it is..
i dunno why but ppl doesn't seem to accept me...
i can surely say tat i can get along fine wiz anyone....
but de prob is tat they have issues wiz me...
i never understood why ppl can have no frens...
i used to tink its cuz they themselves didn't put in de effort to socialise...
but now i noe.. its not how much u try... its whether they want to accept u..
i used to feel tat i have loads of frens...
but now i dunno...
i've rilly tried to fit in...
it is so pschologically & emotionally demanding...
honestly, i'm alr pretty tired...
i dunno if i shld carry on wiz this...
u guys give me de impression tat
" u can join us if u want, if u can catch up wiz us,gd 4 u. if u leave, or can't catch up. or die, too bad 4 u.... we dun rilly care..."
i dunno if i shld pull myself away frm this...
on one hand, we still have to work together 4 quite a while in future....
which is why i've been trying to fit in... and i noe u guys are not nasty ppl...
but on de other hand, sometimes i rilly wish i can jus stop talking to u guys...
cuz i feel so left out, uncomfortable, an unhappy cuz i'm jus lyk a transparent vase...
u guys probably dun notice it or tink tat i'm over-reacting...
but u dun realise it and u dun understand, jus lyk how i never did....
until u're in de situation urself....
i dun despise or hate any of u...
but i jus feel left out and unimportant...
not tat i rilly want attention..
i jus dun wish tat i'll be labeled as "officially outcasted"
by one of my fav grp of frens...
if theres anything wrong wiz me, at least tell me or let me know...
cuz i dunno why i'm feeling this way...
even my closest fren...
i noe tat u love to hangout wiz them as much as i do...
and i noe tat u'll rather hangout wiz them than me...
theres nth wrong wiz it...
i jus feel lyk we're drifting apart..tats all...
sometimes when we all hangout together, i can't help but ask myself
"what am i doin here?" " am i being an extra?"
i dunno... i see u guys almost everyday....
and i dunno wat to do whenever i see u guys..
though i usually try to put on a smile and play arnd...
u guys never know how i feel...
and de most heartbreaking thing is tat u guys revolve arnd my passion...
tat passion is one of de things in my life tat propels me forward...
and i believe we all share de same passion... but i dunno wat went wrong...
u probably tink tat i'm thinking too much or maybe a bit hurt by this...
i'm sry.. but i'm jus sharing what i feel...

some of u may have noticed that i've been pretty dazed and spaced out recently...
tats cuz other than this, i feel de same 4 my family too...
i feel lyk... " ok, if u can catch wat we're talkin, great. if u can't, too bad and wateva..."
in conversations, i sometimes feel ignored and "extra"..
have u ever felt tat ppl give u de impression tat u're not needed here and wateva...?
well, i feel de same....

i hate all these feelings... its uncomfortable and can rilly spoil my day..
i dun speak of all these cuz none of u wld have understood...
lyk i said, u will only know if u have been in my position be4...
history is really repeating itself...
de experience in P6 was so "memorable", i totally transformed into another person...
in sec one, de situation in P6 repeated but of a diff form...
in sec 2, i totally broke down...
currently in sec 3, wonder if it wld be another record...
all these revolve arnd de same theme-friendship..
i really wonder if this time round, de prob still lies wiz me...
perhaps... i must be quite a sucky person..
i'm really sry if this have offended u in any way....
i dun mean it.. in fact, i rilly appreciate all of u...
or i wldn't have cared....
i tink its pretty obvious who i've been referring to...
but pls dun make wild guesses...
i hope this will not harm our friendship...
its only a way 4 me to let all my feelings out...
as u can see, this affects me pretty badly...
cuz loneliness is one of my greatest fears....

stress...

hey...
realise de march hol is over?...
and i didn't post anything during de hols...
tats cuz i was too busy...

there were stuff lyk choir games, class bbq...etc..
those were really cool...
and as much as i wished to post sth, i couldn't..
other than those activities, i was spending my time doing hw..
sad huh?.. dunno why but my class seemed 2 have de most hw...
haiz...

let me do a quick summary...
choir games:
had lotsa fun, was finally in de same grp as sister MJ...
along wiz junyao, ping hao,terence and small Kristin (sry..dunno how to spell)
it was sth lyk last year's amazing race...
but this time its not just within tampines...
theres lyk plaza sing., vivo city, esplanade, ehub, SCH, suntec etc...
it was pretty cool... heard tat my grp came in second:)

class bbq:
haha.. was de earliest to reach...
along wiz yijing, ivy, ivy's mum and ivan (ivy's bro)
it was nice actually... we hung out at de playground, ate alot, played wiz shiro and stuff...
(btw, shiro is jia en's dog) lol...
really want to thank ivy and her family...
i mean lyk, she organised everything though i was supposed to be in charge...
(felt rilly bad abt tat)
and her mum sponsered most of our food and bbq-ed EVERYTHING 4 us..
so we jus ate... lol...

anyways, i had my first MCDONALD'S DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER during de hols..
and guess wat?.... i'm addicted.. totally in love wiz it...
haha... i heard tat it was nice so i deceided to try...
and i unexpectedly found one of my fav food....
haha....

btw, i bought my third issue of teenage mag...
why third? cuz there were only 2 issues wiz jonas brothers on de front page
and 1 wiz a huge jonas poster...haha
haven't finish reading though... only read de jonas part so far...
haha....

kaes, gtgn...
theres choir audition 2morow...
feeling kinda scared....
haiz.. bb & nites XD
(JONAS ROX MY LIFE!!!!!)

thanksXD

hey hey...
so, as predicted...
i didn't have de time to post 4 de past 2 days..
haha...
firstly, i wld like to THANK EVERYONE:)
4 an enjoyable and wonderful b'dae...
thank you all 4 ur pressies, cards, best wishes, b'dae song, meals etc...
u guys really made my day..
haha.. i was really happy and super "high"...
once again... to ALL of u...
from the bottom of my heart,

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

secondly, of course i wld LURVE to share abt de Jason Mraz concert....
it was soooooooooo sooooooooooooo cool....
seriously...
it was fantastic...
i was REALLY REALLY IMPRESSED...
i was actually very glad that de seats we had were pretty good..
as in, its in de middle facing the stage and i felt quite close to de stage..
haha...
anyways, Jason Mraz was so cool...
frm de live concert, i came to 2 conclusions..
#1. he has really good vocals ( lurve his voice)
#2. he's officially my idol and I <3>
he can sing all kinds of genres...
like, pop, sentimental, rock, choral... etc.
yes. CHORAL...
and i bet he qualify 4 both BASS & SOPRANO....
he can reach real low and super high...
i'm serious....
PLUS... he can imitate the sound of the SAXOPHONE!!!!
yes. almost any note...
and his gutar skills are... IMPECCABLE
cool huh?
which is why i <3>i think i'm so lucky to have those tickets...
i was screaming my lungs out throughout de concert...
haha...

i was thinking...
imagine if it was JONAS BROTHERS...
i think i wld have lost my voice be4 de first half...
lol.. i really hope they'll come to s'pore someday...
and of course, hopefully i can get those tix again...
haha... i'm still hoping and wishing upon a star..
haha...
kaes..gtgn..
anyways i really had one of de best b'daes of my life..
tks to all my dear frens..
and of course, Jason Mraz....

yeahman...

just one more day... XD happy b'dae!!!!

HAPPY B'DAE DANICA!!!!!!!!!! (ME)
HAPPY B'DAE MARTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY B'DAE AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha.. tot i wldn't have time to wish these ppl happy b'dae 2morow...
so yep... all of us are de FIFTH MARCH BABIES...

so... jus celebrated my b'dae @ home..
jus a simple celebration but was kinda cool..
ya noe, jus de family kinda thing... haha

well, actually its one more day to my special day..
but i'm gonna attend JASON MRAZ concert 2morow wiz sista mj..
haha... cool huh?
i'm so excited... YAY!!!!!!!!!
wonder if JONAS BROTHERS wld ever come...
haha... i think i might faint...lol:)

i told my mum i can go without b'dae and christmas presents for three yrs...
if they ever come and if their ticket cost a bomb...
haha....
anyways, i'll ALWAYS be waiting 4 them...
ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i hope u see this, JoBros..)
lol...
isn't it so cool to attend a concert on ur b'dae?...
i mean lyk...
JASON MRAZ CONCERT ON MY B'DAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha.. how more cool can these things get?... XD
lol...
gtgn...
wishing ALL 5th March babies(like me) a happy b'dae:)

yeahman...